Friday, December 01, 2006
Root Shoot Marry #16: Dastardly, devilish, demonic...
You know what?

I told you it wouldn't be pretty this week.

And it's not.

(Cue: thunderbolt, wild organ music)

Mwah ha hah!!

(Cue: lightning crashes)

You've all had it too easy for too long. Time to face the music (more wild organ chords) and meet this week's villains.

Darth Vader. You might want to think of him as Liam Neeson Ewan McGregor ummm Hayden Christiansen (see combox for edits). I can only say: that's cheating.

Evil disfigurement: permanent wheeze and, at his final un-masking, a really nasty scalp condition.

Dr No. Unwanted child of a German Missionary and a Chinese girl of good family. Last seen by 007 as he disappeared in a bubbling vat of overheated radioactive fluids.

Evil disfigurement: he has no hands.

And Count Dracula, the Dark Lord of the Night.

Firstly here, via Bela Lugosi

And then, because I am feeling just a little bit kind, via Richard Roxburgh

Evil disfigurement: undead.

And the femmes fatale.

Cruella de Vil. Puppy killer.

Evil disfigurement: forget the hair, are they knee-high pantyhose she's wearing?

Velma Kelly. Murderess and traitor.

Evil disfigurement: what is it with these chicks and the knee-highs?

Lucrezia Borgia. Poisoner. Mother of eight.

Evil disfigurement: hard to say. But the hollow ring filled with mandragora can't have been much of a turn-on.

Root Shoot Marry rules are here or on the nav bar above.

Go forth, my pretty ones, and chance your fate with EVIL.

Bed 'em, Wed 'em and Dead 'em... As long as they don't get you first!

Bwah ha hah!



Monday, November 27, 2006
Bed me now, with your punisher's guns, and I'll serve up some lovely carrot cake after...
I just don't have much to say.

I could do a meme.


I could post another in the continuing series of Sydney by cameraphone.


I know!

I'll give you a hilarious account of recent hits on my blog via crude and bizarre search engine terms caught by my sitemeter!

Cos, like, I bet no one's ever thought of that to fill blog space before...*

You will not be surprised to know that The Ladies Lounge gets somewhat more than its fair share of

"ladies in lounge wear"

"ladies loving ladies"


"ladies with pretty piss"

(the latter, I attribute to my Australian tendency to use the phrase "piss" as a synonym for both angst and humour, viz, 'take the piss' 'pissed off' 'pissing themselves laughing' or 'strong enough to hold a bull out to piss'. Actually, I've never used this last one here but this was a good excuse.)

So there are no surprises there.

The one that continues to surprise me is "punisher's guns" and about 10 variations thereof.

In case you are dazed and bewildered, you should first see my version of The Punisher's Guns (we are currently number 1 of 1,030,000 hits on Google) and then have a squizz at what they might really be looking for... here...

Mind you, judging by hits via email groups and message boards, the Punisher's link here seems to have travelled quite widely among you and your friends and workmates out there.

I'll pause a moment here to bask in the glow of entertaining the world with a smutty toy at the expense of my four year old son and his 76 year old great-aunt.

And to give you yet another view of the Punisher's remarkable gun.

Right. Back to it.

The second most common search engine hit here is so wholesome and virtuous I can still barely credit it myself.

Who knew that the world was crying out for a cake recipe that had "pineapple AND coconut AND walnut AND carrot"?

That recipe comes up number one on Google for all sorts of combinations and barely a day goes by without someone, somewhere checking it out.

Moment: more basking.

Sorry, I get more than the usual pleasure out of that one because I am not normally a baker of any kind and I only made that cake when I had no other ingredients in the cupboard, and there was nothing else I could do with a trio of sick children - other than infanticide, of course.

Then, of course, we have the more usual kinds of hits. Sometimes random, sometimes sparked by a perhaps ill-considered headline like "Kinky Monkey Pirate Sex" - what was I thinking?

"Sex life in Australia"

"Ladies doing the golden moment" (which took the searcher to the cake recipe - serves him right)

"Virtual sex lounge"

And naturally after every Root Shoot Marry we get a run on recent celebrities.

"Flabby Arnold boobs"

"Leave a beautiful corpse"

"David Gahan's old girlfriend"

"Fabio goose in face"

"Ozzy toilet photo" (I'm a little shocked to be number one on Google for this one, but also pleased that there are only 148,000 other sites that respond to this term...)

and I'm chuffed about this one:

"bed me NOW"

because it's been one of my favourite sayings for many years now. WITH my husband, I hasten to add. Sheesh.

So, there you have it.

How very original of me*.



*I am allowed to be sarcastic about this because way back in the early days of Glamorouse I came up with this genius idea and wrote about how we were getting horny bankers from Saudi Arabia looking for things like 'glamorous mothers breasts' ... It was only later I realised this was the bloggerly equivalent of 'inventing' the martini.