Saturday, September 16, 2006
Root Shoot Marry #6 Bad boys/bad girls
Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you? Oops, they already did, didn't they Hugh, Robert and James? This is the post I couldn't quite get together two weeks ago after the four galloping schooners* with Tony, who is now safely (one hopes) ensconced with Mrs P in one of their hideaways in South Africa or Zimbabwe and no doubt swatting away elephants and cheetahs while he checks his webmail, waiting for me to email him the RSM choices so he can vote by proxy.

At least, that’s how I picture them right now.The result of the four galloping schooners* session was the brilliant suggestion to build an RSM theme around arrested celebrities.

Does this phrase not instantly conjure up images of Nick Nolte , OJ Simpson, and, more recently, Mel Gibson ? Good - because they're your blokes for this week and I wish you well in your choices. Odd to think that prior to what OJ did before his arrest and Mel did after his arrest, these choices might have been tricky for an altogether more positive reason.

Have you noticed something that all the names I've mentioned so far have in common? That's right, THEY'RE ALL MEN! And here we come to the fatal flaw in the arrested celebrity plan.

I hit the internet and googled around for celeb mugshots and struck gold with the boys - but could I balance the books with similarly busted femmes? No sirree. In fact, it seems that any really famous women who do get arrested are also smart enough to make sure their mugshots don't end up floating around the internet!

Of course, the cupboard was not completely bare. The cast of Lost provided this delightful double whammy on The Smoking Gun - an excellent website that I highly recommend - with these police pics of Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthis Watros but they seem a bit B list to me ... there's also no shortage of Baywatch women on the Smoking Gun mugshot list - why is it so?
But if we skip the technical requirement for a mugshot, I can come up with three women to suit this week's game.

First, the delightfully scandal-hungry Paris Hilton managed to get herself arrested for DUI.

Then, Tony had requested Australia's own child-star turned heroin addict Debbie Byrne (who probably was never arrested but I think we're living out some teenaged fantasy here so let's humour him cos it's his fault we play RSM at all...)

And, finally, wasn't there something with Naomi Campbell? Oh, that's right, she beat her maid with a mobile phone.

So, it's taken me two weeks longer than expected, what with the blogstrike and all, but here, at last, is Arrested Celebrity RSM, complete with the Bonus Points for Breeding Pairs game** (and if you're wondering who won the Bonus points in the World Leaders Game #5, look here )


*Four galloping schooners= four very large beers, not quite pints, consumed at the end of a media training session and drunk very quickly because I had to get home to resume my other job of domestic goddess.

** Bonus Points for Breeding Pairs = every RSM game includes three choices of males and three of females from which one must select one to root (to have sex with), one to shoot (to kill, not maim) and one to marry (blah, blah blah). You can play RSM by selecting just from the gender that would interest you in real life or speculating on the other side of the fence, too. Bonus Points can now be earned for choosing which male and which female from each list would be the best pair to breed and which would be the worst. You can thank Thordora for the inspiration for this little adaptation - it wouldn't necessarily work in the pub but it's a fine mutation for our virtual drinking game.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Dear Journalism Student
Dear Journalism Student,

I love your enthusiasm and your interest in my agency's work. I am so glad you came to me - little old uneducated me of all people! - to help you with your assignment: "Write a News Article About Something That Interests You".

I want to help you. Really, I do. But there are one or two tiny teeny little things you could do to make this arrangement between us just a tad better. I like to put them in a list - will that work for you too, sweetie?

  1. Gosh, your story idea is very exciting! So exciting that it seems unfair not to share it with your whole tute group. What's that pumpkin? You already told some of them? Golly, that would explain why I've had three almost identical requests this week! Be a pet and try to keep the next one to yourself, won't you?
  2. Even a cadet-trained journo like me knows how hard it is these days to get into a journalism course in an Australian uni - - wait! what's that? You're in Journalism/LAW?? A double degree? Wow, you must be SO smart. I bet that you're so smart they don't even care how you punctuate, do they? I'm so sorry to mention it, but I have this iddy biddy fetish about punctuation. Like, you know, I reckon it makes it possible to understand what you mean in writing. So, you clever-clogs, you'll get a lot further with me if you maybe ask a grown-up to check your apostrophes before you hit send on your email to me!
  3. Those pesky lecturers! They just don't understand how hard it is for students, do they? I mean, sometimes they give you like, what? Only three weeks to come up with a 500 word article! Crikey. You see, when you're an old fogey like me you get used to having many deadlines in just one day. I totally understand how hard it is for you to get on top of all the demands on your time, but I worry, truly I worry that I just can't help you as well as I'd like when you only send me your 15 detailed questions about spurious subjects THE DAY BEFORE YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS DUE.
  4. On those 15 questions, are they really all necessary? I'd hate to think your lecturer might doubt that you'd done the full quota of work required for your story - could she maybe think it had all been cobbled together from the answers I've provided you with no real effort on your part? Just concerned for you, little one.
  5. And again with the 15 questions, there is an excellent chance you could have cut it down to three if you had maybe used the surprisingly efficient search function on the same website where you found my name and number... It's called 'research' and I know they don't teach you that until third year but it's never too early to build up brownie points with your tutors, you know!
  6. Given you chose me and my agency for this very special, high profile thing we do every year in October, I'm wondering how much free time you think I have in September? Do the maths, honey, and call me in February.
  7. Why would I need free time to answer your very special set of questions (your 'interview' as you endearingly call it in your email)? Well, that would be because my boss, he's such a sweetheart, actually pays me to answer questions from REAL journalists. Yeah, the ones you know as total sell-outs and lackeys of the capitalist running dogs. So, it sucks heaps, but I am afraid I have to give the professional journalists priority over your interview request. Bugger, hey? But listen, the upside is that, when you graduate and you totally sell-out, YOU get priority and that will be way cool, yes?
  8. Citing an unsourced accusation and then asking me "What has (my agency) got to say about that?" is not really a great question. Chances are, my answer will be "Nothing" and then where are we? Back to that big awkward silence that you stammered through the first time I told you that you seemed to be confusing fact and hearsay... But keep trying, chicken, 'cause you nearly got me on "When did you stop beating your wife?"
  9. While we're thinking about spurious subjects, can we please remember that I am Doing You A Favour? It's just not polite to ask me to criticise my own organisation while they're still paying me. But - just because you're so darn cute - I'm sure I can find you someone who's recently quit who will spill the beans. We shot John Lennon, you know.
  10. Fuck off. Oops, did I say that out loud? Ok, you can quote me on that one.



(latest sulky blogstrike appears to be over, thanks for the cheer squad and I really sincerely hope none of you are journalism students. Because then I'd have to kill you.)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Yes, I'm on blogstrike.

No, I don't know if I'll get over it this time.

Maybe, you'll get to play Root Shoot Marry this Friday. Can't be sure.

Could I? Continue being a complete cow to the world? Very likely.

Do you? Want to read the Other Post in my Draft Box about being on Blogstrike? Almost certainly not. Vile, evil stuff for the most part.

In the meantime, please enjoy the above test pattern, comprising pics of my Sydney and including the view from the desk I sit in when I am seconded from my merely Busy and Important Job into a Very Busy and Important Job. This happens from time to time and I am not usually happy about it and only the thought of the View From My Desk in that other place gets me through.

You can actually see my Other Desk in the pic in the centre left.

And so, because I am shitty and uncertain whether I will return, I don't think I can sign off with an mtc (more to come) tonight. Instead I suggest you all go to bed, as I am, and sleep soundly.

Tomorrow is another day.

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