This week was going to be TV police hotties, but then Tom Cruise lost his studio contract, proving rather shockingly that there are still some sane people left in Hollywood - or at least enough members of rival cults to over-rule the Scientologists. So, Celebrity Psychos it is.
Also, it occurs to me that the Bonds and the babes and even the Billy Idols have been far too kind to you all. Root, shoot, marry is about making the tough choices peoples - picking between a rock and a hard place and a deep fucking vein of quartz. Otherwise you won't feel the need to bolster your decisions with alcohol or the substance of your choice and HOW CAN I KEEP IT A VIRTUAL DRINKING GAME IF YOU ARE NOT VIRTUALLY DRINKING? HMMMM?
Cutting to the chase - here are the rules (click me! click me!) and here are the fools from which you must choose... happy Friday RSM, everyone...
Boys (easy; girls were a little trickier, naturally)
1. Tom Cruise
2. Michael Jackson
3. Stanley Kubrick
Girls
1. Whitney Houston
2. Nicole Richie
3. courtney love
mtc
Bec
Also, it occurs to me that the Bonds and the babes and even the Billy Idols have been far too kind to you all. Root, shoot, marry is about making the tough choices peoples - picking between a rock and a hard place and a deep fucking vein of quartz. Otherwise you won't feel the need to bolster your decisions with alcohol or the substance of your choice and HOW CAN I KEEP IT A VIRTUAL DRINKING GAME IF YOU ARE NOT VIRTUALLY DRINKING? HMMMM?
Cutting to the chase - here are the rules (click me! click me!) and here are the fools from which you must choose... happy Friday RSM, everyone...
Boys (easy; girls were a little trickier, naturally)
1. Tom Cruise
2. Michael Jackson
3. Stanley Kubrick
Girls
1. Whitney Houston
2. Nicole Richie
3. courtney love
mtc
Bec
19 Comments:
For the record, any comment expressed by this man, whose name may or may not coincidentally reflect the pseudonym given to my husband in the blogosphere, is entirely his own and does not coincide with the views of his wi---the management.
ps - he's just told me to tell you that only a man could see root, shoot and marry as the single verb: to root.
Well, this IS difficult.
Shoot Michael - SOMEBODY has got to put him out of our misery.
Root Kubrick - I have no idea about this man. But 2001, A Space Odyssey? Was quite nice.
Marry Tom - I am older and would whup some sense into that idiot. And make sure Daily Psychotherapy for HIM was Item #1 in the PreNup. With plenty of prescribed meds.
Oh my God, you've totally developed a cruel streak this week, Bec!
Okay. Deep breath.
Root: Tom. And then shoot him. Is that allowed?
Shoot: Michael
Marry: Kubrick
I feel dirty now.
Oh, P.S. Happy belated to the twins!
Yes, now this is what I call RSM...
No easy choices - just life choices.
Here goes... Root courtney (90 per cent of the popluation of the USA can't be wrong... wait, what have I just said????)
Shoot Witney... she really needs to be put down by someone, soon, so it may as well be me.
Now for the easy one... MARRY Nicole Richie. I'll never forget the epidode of the simple life where she and Paris were working as airline ground crew and had to attach a pipe to the aircraft's loo to pump it out. Nicole: "This like a huge colonic. It's kinda hot."
Root: Tom (with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears going lalalalalala)
Shoot: Michael (doing the world a service)
Marry: Kubrick. Anyone who can make a film like Dr Strangelove has a mind I want to get to know better.
This is so hard, Bec! I have opened this page and closed it a couple of times! Really can I just shoot them all and be done with it? no? Okay...
Root - Stanley Kubrick but with my eyes closed because that picture gives me the creeps.
Shoot - Tom Cruise because he just annoys the hell out of me
Marry - Michael Jackson I don't know why. Weird. I know.
Wow!! This is a tough one, it's hurting my head, but I know how important it is to get it right, soooo ....
Root: Michael (cause I'm thinking there wouldn't be a WHOLE lot of rooting going on, given that I'm older than nine and a girl)
Shoot: Tom (couldn't marry him because of the freaky control thing)
Marry: Stanley, because he is a tragic genius and they make the best husbands, huh!?
I'm thrilled to see you all stepping up to meet the challenge - and some of you are probably only virtually drunk, which makes it even harder.
Well done!
There are some fabulous justifications here already, but so far my favourite is Surfing Free's approach to Michael Jackson. SF may get away with this Claytons root in blogging terms, but if we were playing in RL at the pub I'm confident the crowd's verdict would be that a root is a root, and rooting Michael might be even harder for all the additional, ahem, incentives you'd have to use to seduce him...
It does give me an idea for this Friday's theme though: "unrootable roots", what do you think?
Can you imagine what would happen if Stanley and Courtney had babies?
shudder
thanks for the comment and the link! The "when I'm not at my desk pretending to work" bit cracked me up, since I spend half my work days thusly.
Thordora raises an interesting possibility - could RSM in its current form also include a bonus points question where we nominate the least and most desirable breeding pair from the male and female list? Comments on this mutation are welcome...
Oh I do like the sound of that mutation.
Bring it on.
Crap!!! Incentives?!??! I have to try for a successful root? Well, I did NOT know that when I signed up for Michael Jackson. I thought we could just get naked, sort of grope each other, mutually shudder, and decide to never mention it again.
And it's a 'yes' from me on the breeding game! How much fun will that be!!!
Excellent - watch this space on Friday for Root, Shoot, Marry with Bonus Breeding Pairs...
The rule will again be simple - nominate the most desirable and least desirable breeding pair from the six names on the boys' and girls' lists. And why, of course!
Hello Bec, I'm a RSM virgin - but I'll have a go. Could make my root choice interesting (then again, probably not!)
Root - Stanley by process of elimination (see?)
Shoot - Michael (save the world from any more baby dangles and show trials.)
Marry - Tom (Pose as a Scientologist and then get a huge divorce settlement when he finds out my ruse; then go and marry a country singer who wears more makeup than me - Oh, has this already been done? Bugger.)
You know, the only thing that came into my head was this dreadful but highly apt quote from some forgotten movie.
"Shoot 'em all and let God sort them out".
Welcome Nutmeg! Nice work on the Nicole Kidman imitation but I think New Idea would be quick to whack you on their cover with a big "Phony?" across your pixellated face...
MF? About time you got back from God's Own coastline. Sadly, you come back to a bollocking if you think you can get away with applying a single verb! Consequences willshortly be applied... (ps - pop over on the weekend, we still have the Love Child's Shrek book)
Alrighty - with Friday here again I should close this game off before starting the next one.
My picks:
Root: Tom Cruise as Top Gun then leave him for the Goose (who was probably a better root anyway - remember how his wife jumps on him in the cafe and says "Hey stud: bed me now or lose me forever!" - no? you don't remember that?)
Shoot: Michael Jackson and THANK YOU to all the other right thinking people who chose the same way.
Marry: Stanley Kubrick, who has never really done me any harm and who inspired a whole generation of mostly funny 'monkey finds stick and gets squashed by UFO' comedy sketches.
RSM Game 5 will be up tonight.
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