"Unfortunately for the 6'3 macho man, he will probably be most remembered for being hit in the face by a 15 lb goose, while riding a roller coaster during a publicity appearance."
Quick! Hands up if you can Name This Man!
Quick! Hands up if you can Name This Man!
Ok, I can't actually see you so there won't be a prize, but I tell you what: if you get the answer without scrolling down to the pictures you can give yourself a prize, ok? Anything you like. Really.
Phew. Aren't you glad it's Friday and I've stopped being all thoughtful and angsty and crap and hurled myself into this week's Root Shoot Marry?
And the theme of the week: Over the Top. Or simply OTT, as was once a popular acronym among my set, in the days before Carrie Bradshaw existed…
Why OTT?
You’ll see.
It is possibly the first time that the combined weight of both female and male breast tissue will outweigh the layers of font on this blog.
Edited after discussion with my husband who says I am being coy: THEY ALL HAVE BIG BOOBS. Man-boobs, huge breasts, whatever. They are massive and they are - one way or another - man-made. Hence Over The Top. And Oh My Dear Sweet Lord: the shallows to which I will stoop for domestic bliss! The Prof says this now explains things and he will make his selections accordingly. Relieved everyone?
First things first:- for the ladies in the lounge tonight: an apology. I know last week was pretty rough on you what with the choice between wedding, bedding or deading Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Richard Branson. I’ve tried to give you a little relief tonight, really I have.
Snigger.
For the gents, well, I promise, no promises. The field is wide open tonight - larger than life and freely available.
Any first timers: check the rules via the link on the navigation bar above this post or – oops – lookit! Right here at Root Shoot Marry Rules. And bear in mind that you may also know this game as Cliff Shag Marry (US) or Bed Wed Dead (UK).
Your Root Shoot Marry partners for game #12 are:
First things first:- for the ladies in the lounge tonight: an apology. I know last week was pretty rough on you what with the choice between wedding, bedding or deading Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Richard Branson. I’ve tried to give you a little relief tonight, really I have.
Snigger.
For the gents, well, I promise, no promises. The field is wide open tonight - larger than life and freely available.
Any first timers: check the rules via the link on the navigation bar above this post or – oops – lookit! Right here at Root Shoot Marry Rules. And bear in mind that you may also know this game as Cliff Shag Marry (US) or Bed Wed Dead (UK).
Your Root Shoot Marry partners for game #12 are:
Boys:
Jean Claude Van Damme
Fabio
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Girls
Anna Nicole Smith
Jessica Simpson
Pamela Anderson
You know what?
Jean Claude Van Damme
Fabio
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Girls
Anna Nicole Smith
Jessica Simpson
Pamela Anderson
You know what?
I've looked at this photo several times and I would love to believe what Pammie appears to be doing with her hands is an optical illusion. But it's really not.
So, from each gender, one must live and be your spouse, one must die (possibly painfully) and one must join you in horizontal folk dancing.
In other words: root 'em, shoot 'em, marry 'em.
Have at it.
Bec
PS - A word of warning: silicon is a bugger to get out of the carpet. Go gently on the hugs.
PPS - Don't forget to give yourself a prize if you know who got a goose in the face while riding a roller coaster.
26 Comments:
No Brainer
Marry Anna-Nicole,'cause she has all the money!!!! Root Jessica Simpson because whilst she is dumb she just looks like she would be a good root and shoot Pamela because nobody, other than Kimmy (kath & Kim)looks more like a horn-bag but would have to be a 12 beer root if ever I saw one.
Even though we have been saddled with three women whose combined brains could comfortably fit in an egg cup, I think of this as one which answers itself.
R - Anna Nicole, because if you marry her you die and she takes all your money. Pammy takes the bullet, obviously, so that only leaves R.
S - The pivot point answer: Pam Anderson. Mind you, the half-ton(ne) of silicone might save her life, but still. I simply don't care for plastic. Instruments have yet to be invented that could accurately measure exactly how unappealing she is to me.
If she and I were the last two humans on earth, the species would die out.
She looks deformed. Ew.
M - Jessica Simpson, by default... even if she seems blissfully unencumbered by the pale cast of thought. Tabula rasa, that one.
-J.
Hmmm.... What a choice.
Van Damme I'd have to shoot, because he is just too stupid for words.
Fabio I'd have to root simply on the basis of this photo as I have no idea who is.
So I'd have to marry Arnie. Mainly because I love his films, he makes me laugh, and in Terminator 2 he's a great dad, even if he is a robot.
Plus in real life he seems to be the only US politician apart from Al Gore who believes that global warming is real...
OTOH, Arnie in real life would probably be a bit scary, and I might have to shoot him if he touched any more boobies.
So maybe I should root, Claude for being so dumb, but quite meaty.
Shoot Arnie for sexual infidelity, and
Marry Fabio because he looks cute.
And I have no idea who the identity of the person with the goose is either.
This is a good game. Can I come and play again???
love Janex
Shoot Arnie. You're welcome, California!
Root Fabio but only if I can be really, really drunk.
Marry Jean Claude. Uh, because he's the only one left.
And dammit, when I heard there was boobage I was hoping Meat Loaf would be one of the choices. Because I would TOTALLY marry him. For real!
hmmm
ok shag Jean Claud because well out of the three he's the least offensive on the eyes
marry Arnie because you have an outside chance of being able to influence US politics
and that leaves shooting Fabio which is fine by me because he irritates me (as does my inability to spell that word)
Isn't Jean Claude a total asshole in real life?
On the basis of that rumor, I'll shoot him.
I'll root Fabio, but the goose can't join us.
I'll marry Arnie, because he would remove all the chocolate from the house and whip my flabby rump into shape.
Besides, he'd be gone all the time doing governor things and I wouldn't have to see him much.
(first time visitor to your blog)
Yikes, the choices are hard!
Let's get the easy choice out of the way:
Shoot: Arnie.
Root: well, frankly I'm tempted to go lesbian with these options... lol
Fabio looks so gay, is it even fair to include him with the guys?
Ah, what the heck, let's say Fabio. Women are supposed to swoon over him, with any luck he is handy in bed!
And marry: ack!!
I could never marry a long-haired man, and I've already shot Arnie, so I guess that leaves JC. I'm French-speaking too, so it's something in common... though I might come to regret understanding him at all, and pretty soon at that! ;)
Fun game!
Ignoring my husband, you've all kicked this off to a fine start.
Joke - I'm so pleased there was something for you here this week: even if it was more of an exercise in empirical justification.
JH - well done, we like to see all options covered as long as there's a decision in the end.
Badger - watch this space. Meat Loaf is yours next week babe. The theme will be my high school girlfriends definition of cute: "Ugly but Interesting"
Velcro and Muse - well done and welcome (and yes, of course you can go girl on girl. In the Ladies Lounge, anything is possible)
Carolyn - give yourself a prize honey, you're the first to pluck the goose.
This one is very very unpleasant!!
How restrained is that!
I saw the pic of the goose damage & felt it couldnt have happened to a nicer bloke!
I would have to
Root the goose- er Fabio, but only when blindfolded & drunk.
Shoot Van Damme for being so Arrogant.
Marry Arnie & hope he was off on the campaign trail forever.
As for the 'girls'
I cant think of a better reason for being straight!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Now this selection is just plain silly. I mean, seriously, who would root or marry any of these blokes? Or the women either for that matter. Can I just shoot them all? Please?
Well what a revolting choice for my first time to play!!
Root - Fabio. He's Italian (i think) and you know what they say about the Italians!!
Marry -Jean-Claude. He must have a decent bank account!!
Shoot - Arnie. Well if I was caught at least I wouldn't have to root and marry the other two!!!
Bec,
If you ever get to read The Flashman Papers, you'll realize Jessica Simpson IS "Elspeth."
-J.
I know Carolyn got in first, but the Bizarre Bird Encounter Accolade goes to Fabio, and I did already know that, really. He has a bit of a cult following round these parts, though personally I see him more as a deconstruction of the masculine. Who's been put back together in a weekend workshop of drunken homosexuals (not that there's anything wrong with that).
Okay.... R - Fabio, so that I can tell all my gay friends that I did.
S - Van Damme, thereby diminishing the number of men in the world who hit women; M - Arnie, but only as the Terminator, and only in California.
ps. curious to know what would make the prof think that Jessica Simpson would be a good root. Check the eyes - nobody home. Or is that the point?
I know I'm still pretty new at this game but can I request a round where its agony deciding which one to shoot as opposed to this last couple of weeks where its been hideous deciding who to get intimate with? You know, in all your spare time Bec, if its not too much trouble....
R: Arnie (to impress the myriad Terminator fans of my acquaintance)
S: Jean-Claude (Because Shula says he hits women)
M: Fabio (get the European passport and possibly a desirable Italian residence or two)
I've had another think about it, and - nope, I can't do it. They've all gotta go DOWN!
Is it 12 already? I'm finding this one the hardest yet.
I'm going to have to marry, root then shoot the lot of them; in that order. Because:
a. Fabio - please, too gross for words
b. Jean Claude - someone who seems to love themselves that much has got to go (and also for the GBH on women)
c. As Terminator 1. Also, does the US really need another actor as president. Isn't one enough!
So, this will leave me with:
a. a dual passport (and a goose).
b. alot richer.
c. A Greek millionaire (work that one out! It's probably too easy)
Without thinking too much:
R - Van Damme, if I absolutely have to
S - Fabio.
M - Arnie, because I just loved him in True Lies.
Moaning minnies take note: there is an excellent reason that RSM more commonly occurs as a drinking game. It may help your decision making to just imagine yourself drunk. It would help even more to actually be drunk and genteel states of inebriation is in fact encouraged in the Ladies Lounge.
Those of you stepping up to the mark, Bravo.
Shula: I believe you.
Stomper: sorry, I've promised Ugly but Interesting for next week to accommodate Badger's Meatloaf lust. I will, however, remind you that Brad Pitt showed up recently and, HELLOOOO?? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT THAN BRAD PITT?
Besides, it's not so easy to find three famous men of similar characteristics with at least two of them being eminently shootable.
I'll work on it.
ShellyC: we welcome virgins in the RSM branch of the Ladies Lounge, nicely done.
Oh and back to Shula's ps. I intend to ask him about that. But since he's playing at Perfect Dad and reading The Hobbit to the twins (who are FOUR fer'fark'sake)I can't interrupt just now.
I'm not going to correct my typos above other than it should have been "withOUT two of them being eminently shootable".
It was Fabio.
D'oh, Kim got in just before me for Fabio being the Goose on the RC!
I'd Root Pammy. I've seen the video.
I'd Shoot Anna Nicole. But I hate guns, and she's going to be on the Darwin Awards soon enough.
I'd Marry Jess, because you can guarantee it would be short (Polygamy's still a crime isn't it?!)
Oh this week is awful. Ok, shutting my eyes now and pretending the glass of merlot I had earlier was much much bigger ...
Root: Fabio because I've never had a Latin Lover and because y'know, that hair commercial!!! Woohoo! Hilarious! Stop it NOW with the exclamation marks!
Shoot: Jean Claude because I remember teh domestic violence thing
Marry: Arnie, get crowned Queen of California and live happily ever after. Right?
This one is so hard that I have been trying to figure out what to say!
If I can't shoot them all and I can't drink to make them look better...
Root - Fabio with my eyes closed and it's only once so I can make it through.
Shoot - Jean Claude Van Damme because he annoys me beyond words. And he has an annoying accent.
Marry - Arnold Schwarzenegger because he's the last one left.
And for the girls -
Root - Pamela Anderson. No reason just process of elimination.
Shoot - Anna Nicole Smith because if I have to see her on TV one more time, I may go insane.
Marry - Jessica Simpson because I don't think she's as dumb as everyone thinks she is and she's the best looking of the three.
Hmmmm, I'm late to class again.
Root: Fabio-he's doing some commercials where he actually pokes fun at himself, so what the hell.
Shoot: Jean Clod--didn't know about the domestic violence thing, but the word of those who know is enough for me.
Marry: Arnie. Not an appetizing choice, but he's in good shape, has a nice accent, and he'll be trying to get that Supreme Ruler of the Globe title going, so he won't miss me if I run off with Hugh Laurie for a few years....
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