Friday, December 01, 2006
Root Shoot Marry #16: Dastardly, devilish, demonic...
You know what?

I told you it wouldn't be pretty this week.

And it's not.

(Cue: thunderbolt, wild organ music)

Mwah ha hah!!

(Cue: lightning crashes)

You've all had it too easy for too long. Time to face the music (more wild organ chords) and meet this week's villains.


Darth Vader. You might want to think of him as Liam Neeson Ewan McGregor ummm Hayden Christiansen (see combox for edits). I can only say: that's cheating.

Evil disfigurement: permanent wheeze and, at his final un-masking, a really nasty scalp condition.



Dr No. Unwanted child of a German Missionary and a Chinese girl of good family. Last seen by 007 as he disappeared in a bubbling vat of overheated radioactive fluids.

Evil disfigurement: he has no hands.





And Count Dracula, the Dark Lord of the Night.

Firstly here, via Bela Lugosi



And then, because I am feeling just a little bit kind, via Richard Roxburgh



Evil disfigurement: undead.


And the femmes fatale.

Cruella de Vil. Puppy killer.



Evil disfigurement: forget the hair, are they knee-high pantyhose she's wearing?



Velma Kelly. Murderess and traitor.



Evil disfigurement: what is it with these chicks and the knee-highs?



Lucrezia Borgia. Poisoner. Mother of eight.



Evil disfigurement: hard to say. But the hollow ring filled with mandragora can't have been much of a turn-on.


Root Shoot Marry rules are here or on the nav bar above.

Go forth, my pretty ones, and chance your fate with EVIL.

Bed 'em, Wed 'em and Dead 'em... As long as they don't get you first!

Bwah ha hah!

mtc

Bec



26 Comments:

Blogger Badger said...

Dude, Liam Neeson was ObiWan. That wooden kid who can't act was Darth Vader.

That being said...

Root Dracula. I mean, come on! It's not like shooting him will do any damn good, right?

Shoot Dr. No.

Marry Darth. I dunno why. It just amuses me to think of him having to pick the kids up from school and stuff.

Fuck.

One of the hazards of posting this on a Friday night...

See edit.

And may the force be with you.

Blogger Badger said...

Ha! Well, I was wrong too! Liam Neeson wasn't ObiWan. That Scottish guy was.

And it's not even Friday NIGHT yet here. Oy.

It's the cold meds. Yep. Let's go with that.

Yes. I wiki'ed them.

But I wasn't going to say anything.

I'm polite like that.

On the upside, I finally learned the tags for strikethrough - see how my inner Pollyanna works?

Keep taking the little blue ones, dude, they bring out your eyes.

Blogger Joke said...

OK.

This was a little difficult. But here 'tis.

R - Cruella de Ville. (SHUT UP BADGER, I KNOW what you're thinking. You too, Bec. You are twisted, you are.)

S - Velma. Homie don't play treason. Which is a shame, since she's the only attractive one. This just goes to prove what a wildly principled man I am.

M - Lucrezia. She's a nice Catholic girl and I know she'd never divorce me. I also saw her nippular area just then, so I think I have to marry her now.

Oh Joke.

Who knew?

Tut, tut, tut.

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

Can't play yet. Have to go teach. But will be giggling all day thinking about Darth Vader picking up the kids from school and mowing the lawn. Thankyou Badger.

Blogger Lazy cow said...

I'll do the women this week thanks.
Root: Velma Kelly. I have had non-sexual (OK, maybe it IS sexual) crush on CZJ since she did THe Darling Buds of May.
Shoot: Cruella deVille. Puppy murderer. Die, bitch, die.
Marry: Lucrezia. I've always had a soft spot for her.
And Joke, is truly sick.

Blogger Jane Henry said...

Ok, no one has mentioned yet, that the ORGIINAL Darth Vader was actually an actor called Dave Prowse who did - tada! The Green Cross Codes Ads in the Uk for road safety when I was a kid. So on the basis that there REALLY is a good guy in there trying to get out (which if you saw the last of the second trilogy you'll KNOW is true), plus the fact that DV is voiced by the gorgeous James Earl Jones, I'd have to marry him. Because as every wife knows - I'm gonna change him. Plus I like the idea of DV doing the school run too...

So that leaves. easy peasy

Shoot Dr NO

And Marry Dracula. I mean, who wouldn't. He's a vampire for chrissake, and they are sexy beyond belief.

Girls I'd have to think about

But...

Root Velma definitely

PRobably shoot Cruella as she scared me far too much aged 4 (and that was the cartoon version!)

So then I'd have to marry Lucretia. But I reckon she was probably set up by the male catholic renaissance mafia, so that probably makes her poisoning stuff completely justifiable.

Love Jane.

PS Can't you tell I'm a bit of a Star Wares nut. My mum's cousin did the sound effects to the original (and far superior trilogy)...

Blogger Carolyn said...

Yikes. This one is tough.

Root - Darth Vader. May the force be with me.

Shoot - Dr. No. It doesn't sound like he's capable of helping with the housework much.

Marry - Dracula. Then he can make me undead too and I will live FOREVER, thus torturing you with my blog to infinity and beyond.

Blogger nutmeg said...

Who wouldn't root Richard Roxburgh, oops I mean Dracula?

Shoot the evil Dr No - seemingly no redeemable features, oops I mean hands, there.

Marry Darth. The guy can leave his mask on. I don't really care who's underneath but just give me a little of James Earl Jones' voice and raspy breathing. Is it just me, or is he soooo preferable to Luke Skywalker or what? (I think I should know seeing I've spent the last couple of Friday nights re-watching the original trilogy!)

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

What Badger said.

I think that counts as a forfeit, right? But I'm still giggling about Darth doing husband jobs. Putting out the garbage. Picking up takeaway on the way home from destroying the galaxy.

This will be amusing me all weekend.

Blogger kt said...

Well, although I can certainly get a giggle out of shrilly screeching, "Darth? DAA-AARTH? Did you put the cat out?" and I also love the James Earl Jones voice and know that David Prowse was also the home-helper guy for the older gent in "A Clockwork Orange", my girlie loves that I have made a big deal out of being creeped out by Darth's breathing, so he must go.

Root: Dr. No--no hands, can't really bother me while I get it over with quickly.

Shoot--er--Light-Saberize: Mr. Vader.

Marry: The Count! Love me that Bela Lugosi!

Blogger Joke said...

Did Cruella actually kill any puppies, or did she merely really want to do so?

-J.

P.S. I chose Cruella for R purposes even though I once sat through a screening of Fatal Attraction AND I own a large stockpot.

shut up, Joke, you're making it worse for yourself.

Blogger Joke said...

I know I am. Is it bad that I enjoy doing so?

-J.

Blogger shellyC said...

It is the character we are rooting, shooting and marrying isn't it?

OK this week as hubby is going away for three weeks I will give anything a go....

Root- Darth Vadar. I have never seen a full Star Wars movie so do not know what I am in for!

Shoot- Dr No.

Marry- Dracula. I am so not a night person so we wouldn't have to be in each others company much!!

Blogger Suse said...

I'll just root Richard Roxburgh, thanks.

And arm-wrestle the cow for CZJ.

Anonymous Shula said...

hmmm,

R: Darth. Men in Black work for me. But he'd have to keep the mask on.

S: Dr No. That guy looks retentive for sure. I just bet he's a virgo.

M: Dracula. I'm an insomiac. We could hang out and play cards.

Gotta go. I really, really need to wash my feet.

Blogger Lazy cow said...

So, I'm just the cow now am I?

Blogger telfair said...

Late to the party as usual I see...even the spammers got here before me.

Anyway.

Root: Vader. How bad can it be? He might not even be able to get it out of that black suit.

Shoot: Dr. No. No redeeming qualities there.

Marry: Dracula. Especially if it's the Gary Oldman Dracula who was, after all, a bit melancholy and lovesick and sexy, even in the end, when he shows his true grotesque wrinkled face. If Winona Ryder can kiss him like that, I'm sure I could, too. Besides, we'd keep different hours, and I wouldn't have to cook for him...

Bugger.
I've held off adding word verification because usually I have no problems and it is SO much nicer not to have to decipher the code every time, but I've been hit a few times lately even on older posts so I'm afraid I'll have to re-install the doorbitch.
Sorry folks.

Blogger Blue Moon Girl said...

Damn,I missed the spammers. I miss all the fun stuff. So sad.

In random sharing thoughts, I was reading some British chick lit this weekend and the characters were playing a game, "Cliff, Shag, or Marry!" And I knew what they were talking about! Yay me!

Okay, I think I have put off R, S, M as long as I possibly could...

Root - Dracula. I'm with Badger on the whole not shooting him because it wouldn't do any good.

Shoot - Dr. No. He's ew.

Marry - Darth Vader. Because he's Mr. B's all time favorite bad guy and I think he would be totally okay if I left him for Darth. :)
Shoot -
Marry - Darth Vader

Blogger Blue Moon Girl said...

Here's a random funny for everyone. It's a Darth Vader Snow Globe.

Blogger BabelBabe said...

Root Darth - I do like 'em tall and dark, if not handsome.

Shoot Dr No.

Marry Dracula. We're both nightowls. We'll get along.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Root Darth, Shoot Cruella, and of course, marry Dracula :)

I'm not going to lie, I came across this page looking for a good picture of Bela Lugosi to put under my heroes section of myspace =x

:D

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