Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Kinky Monkey Pirate Sex
Got your attention?

I'll tell you straight up, this isn't about Johnny Depp


But that was a fabulous excuse to go find a picture of him...

************
It has been mentioned once or twice here and in Glamorouse that I spent a year in South Africa as an exchange student.

When I first found out that was where I was going I admit I was a bit disappointed. It seemed too similar to Australia and I had really wanted to go somewhere in Europe.

The Rotary exchange system, however, was very big on interviews and screening and just allocating you wherever the Rotarians and (ugh) Rotary-annes felt you were best suited, personality wise.

Later, at our pre-departure camp, a Rotarian explained the country selections to me.

"Look around," he said.

"The jocks and cheerleaders go to north America where they can speak English and keep out of trouble doing sport; the giggly girls go to Japan and Korea where they'll be watched 24 hours a day, and the ones we think we can trust go everywhere else."

He was spot-on about the girls they sent to Japan, but as for the rest of it? There are so many flaws in his argument that I should just leave it there. Not, however, before I pause to enjoy a quiet smile thinking of Suse being a cheerleader type in high school.

The point today is that I had a glorious year in Africa which - who knew? - turned out to be incredibly exotic and not at all like Australia after all.

I left sobbing and vowing to be back within five years.

That was 20 years ago this year.

Sob.

About 10 years after I'd left, some very good friends asked me about travelling in Africa. Was it worth it, they wondered? They'd lived in England and travelled a lot around Europe and elsewhere and were looking for fresh adventure.

Was it WORTH it?!! I gave them the full sentimental gush. I may even have waxed lyrical about thorn trees and gorges and the quality of the light and the way the air felt different and the sky was bigger and blah blah blah.

I definitely told them about the monkeys. Monkeys all over the place, even through suburban backyards. I loved the monkeys.

In the decade or so since that conversation, which may or may not have helped them to decide, these friends have established the kind of life that most of us might dream of - assuming one allowed one's dreams to include a globe-spanning existence that allows for half the year in one's Australian home and the other half living on safari locations in South Africa and Zimbabwe, writing novels that actually get published and enjoying the scenery.

I'm not sure my dreams would ever go so far. But then, my dreams are usually interrupted by the patter of six little feet. And - sighing - they're not monkey paws.

My good mate Tony, and his wife (who has a perfectly lovely name but Tony keeps calling her 'Mrs Blog' over his way so I will respect the title), Mrs B, are back in Africa again. Due home (this time) at Christmas.

You have Tony to thank for pushing me to add Root Shoot Marry to the Ladies Lounge.

I am very much looking forward to the chance to play it again in real life when they return.

In the meantime, he is back in internet range, blogging his 6-foot-6 heart out, and has recently written a hilariously bawdy account of the Monkey Pirates they deal with on a daily basis on camp in Kruger.

You should go and read about Kinky Monkey Pirate Sex, and maybe some of their other adventures with Tonka, the 22 year old Landrover.

Maybe you could share some comment joy with him, because at the moment it's just me, his Italian publisher and someone called Deb, and honestly, his stories are worth more than that.

And then you can come back and pat me on the shoulder and tell me it's ok.

Because it's sinking in that it has really been 20 years since I left Africa. And it's making me cry all over again.

mtc

Bec


26 Comments:

Blogger Crankmama said...

I'll check out your friend's site...
Do you have any pictures from your time in S Africa? One of my best friends from high school just visited me over the weekend. She and her family live in Zambia and travel all around... she loves South Africa and just hearing her describe their amazing adventures (with KIDS even!) makes me envious.

Blogger Joke said...

My dreams pretty much only include being left the Hell alone to read in peace and cook something yummy.

-J.

Anonymous shula said...

I've linked him. Because you recommend him.

You guys are great - even the reclusive cooking one who can't/won't send me cheap bananas.

Oh, and Crankmama, I DO have pics from South Africa, and I once more have a working scanner. I really should put those two things together, shouldn't I?

Blogger creative-type dad said...

If they've got monkeys. I'm so there...

Ha!

(in-joke, folks, you need to see Creative Dad's monkey suit...)

Blogger nutmeg said...

I will check Tony Park's blog out for sure. Thanks Bec.

But how did we miss this topic the other night? I went to SA in 1996 and Mr J and I were escorted up to Kruger NP for a 3 day visit while the Rugby World Cup was on (work related of course). A lion had a kill just outside the camp gates! I know I will never experience anything like the deep throated roar of a close range lion! Oh, I better stop now; save it for next time!

Blogger Em said...

This is how I feel about just about every place I've ever been. My goal in life is to travel, travel, travel. As soon as JJ is 3 and out of nappies we are off!

I hope you get back to Sth Africa some time. I'd love to go there. I just had a friend who did a 10 month Cape Town to Cairo trip which was fascinating. You might enjoy perusing her blog (esp. the photos).

http://www.quitthecity.blogspot.com

Blogger Kim said...

I found out this week that one of the good guys at work is leaving to be GM of a Fijian island.

While I am completely stoked for him, I am SO BLIND WITH JEALOUS BITCHY RAGE at being left behind on some breeding program that I think means there must be Catholic blood in our genes somewhere. That or Mormonism. I mean, sure, leave the company, but to take up a job on a TROPICAL ISLAND is so so cruel.

Blogger Jane Henry said...

Hi Bec thank you for sharing your friends' kinky monkeys. The description of Blue Balls shagging will stay with me for a very very long time...

I've never been to Africa but my ma was in Kenya for a year in 1957 and still talks about it with affection. However my little bro who works for the British Council has just bailed out of SA because he and his wife found it too difficult living in a country where security guards with guns pitch up every time the burglar alarm goes off. They've moved to Indonesia now...

Blogger Surfing Free said...

I know what you mean about Africa - it's all you imagine it will be and much more!! You'll go back, you know you will ... you might be 60, but you'll go back :)
And your friends sound like they have life completely sorted! Well done them!

Blogger ewe are here said...

There are sooo many places I want to re-visit. And visit. We haven't made it to Africa yet... sounds stunning.

Blogger Emma said...

I did the "Rotary student exchange lite" - 4 months in New Zealand when I was 16. 18 years later I am still glad I chose that over braces. And I haven't made it back yet. I am very jealous of your friends' lifestyle. Very, very jealous.

Blogger Emma said...

Oh and Mr Emma likes monkeys. He took about a gazillion monkey photos on our honeymoon in Bali (well, the first four days, anyway, as he spent the second half of the honeymoon with Bali Belly, testing the 'in sickness' part of our vows).

Blogger telfair said...

I spent a week in S Africa on holiday a few months back and it was lovely.

*pat* *pat* *pat* -- it's going to be okay.

Blogger Suse said...

Do you really think they let flat chested girls with glasses be cheerleaders?

Blogger Joke said...

It's a can't not a won't. If we had monkeys here, they'd be on the turf, groaning in blissful agony..."No please, not another bite!"

-J.

Blogger scribbit said...

I have always wanted to go to Africa--particularly the Serengeti but also to Egypt and Morocco. I'd love to see pictures from your trip--give us a post, come on!

Blogger Angry Dad said...

Don't be sad, but don't make it 20 more years before you get back! I'm with everyone else in asking if you've got pictures from your trip back then!!!

Blogger My float said...

It's just like Tony to find the kinky monkeys!

A trip to Africa sounds like a perfect way to celebrate a significant anniversary...

Blogger Muzbot said...

Monkey see, monkey do.
Just popped by his post and it was a great read... I want a holiday too, poo-ing monkeys and all.

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

Sounds like you need to round up your brood and give them an African adventure? Pat pat, it's okay.
Popped by Tony's blog to read about the monkey sex; I got sympathy pains for the poor female who was being raped whilst clutching her new-born. Thank heavens for evolution. Sex after childbirth? Not for at least 6 weeks, thanks! Especially when there were forceps involved.

Blogger shellyC said...

I hate realising how many years it is since I was in various places!! It makes me feel that things must have changed so much...though i can't imagine Rome and other cities really changing!!!

Blogger h&b said...

This is weird ( again ). the small country NSW town, the moving to the city .. the Rotary Exchange ..

Yes, me too - and ditto to the disappointment at being appointed the USA ( NOT a cheerleader type ! ), but yeah, fabulous experience.

What year did you go ? Perhaps we met at the Canberra 'final stage' of selection ?? I went in '88.
A friend of mine also got to go to Sth Africa with Rotary, but he went in '86 .. I think ??? Came back with some cool musical tastes.

Small world, huh ? :)

Blogger h&b said...

And Emma .. I also did the 'lite' version to NZ when I was 16 too .. one of the good things about a small 'disadvantaged' school without any real competition for these things when I was younger ;)

All my friends got to do their deb, so it was better I was away anyway. Ther'es no way I would have been allowed to make my Deb...

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