Friday, October 13, 2006
STOLEN BY BITACLE Root Shoot Marry #10 - Because we're goin' to the cha-pel ...
If you are reading this on Bitacle you are reading STOLEN CONTENT from my blog.

... and we're, gonna get ma-a-ahried.

Ah yes, Root, Shoot, Marry number 10 and why do I have wedding bells in mind?

Well here in Australia it is Spring, the season of nuptials and all such frolic. Unless you happen to suffer hayfever, in which case I imagine Spring is the season of snot. Fortunately, the Ladies Lounge is free of any variety of snot today and, indeed, verging on rude and ruddy health so Spring is placing far more frivolous thoughts in my mind.

And what could be more frivolous than a celebrity wedding?

I mean, come on! Haven't celeb marriages become something like Formula One car racing? Incredibly expensive, terribly exotic, hugely wasteful, largely attention-seeking and almost inevitably destined for a fiery, bloody crash.

So tonight we play to love, honour and obey with three recent celebrity weddings, two of them already well publicised crash-and-burns, and one that, well, is still spinning around the track.

And the advantage of this week's theme? When it comes to the 'marry' choice you'll already know what your dress, or tux, will look like!

The rules are here, or you can use the link on my snazzy new horizontal nav bar up above this post.

Female Number One - Renee Zellweger
Male Number One - Kenny Chesney

Annulled after four months. Zellweger cites 'fraud' as the cause. Could size really matter?

Female number two: Jennifer Aniston
Male number two: Brad Pitt

Divorced after five years. Destroyed by the Brangelina Affair or did Jen wreck her own bliss by - gasp - REFUSING TO HAVE BRAD'S BABIES?????

Female Number Three - Nicole Kidman (known to all Downunder as "Our Nic")
Male Number Three - Keith Urban (known to all Downunder as "Keith Who?")

Married in Sydney, June 2006. Recent news stories have Keith confessing the wedding was almost called off. They managed to survive that hiccup, but will they ever get past the constant public inspection of Our Nic's tummy for a baby bump?

Poor Our Nic, my suggestion, just quietly, is that she arrange to be seen in a very public pharmacy, preferably one with lots of CCTV cameras, ostentatiously asking for and purchasing Hormone Replacement Therapy pills.

So go forth and frolic among the pretty and the fatuous; root 'em, shoot 'em, marry 'em to hell an' back. And play nice with Our Nic. Remember, so far she's the only woman on earth smart enough to divorce Tom Cruise.



Blogger Badger said...

I am sorry but I have always hated Your Nic. She always has this look on her face like a gnat just flew up her left nostril.


Root Keith.
Shoot Kenny.
Marry Brad.

Actually, I would kind of like to just root Brad and shoot the other two, but one must follow the rules. And whatnot.

Indeed, and she has that unfortunate habit among the very blonde of wearing yellow. Similarly Renee. Ugh.

However, she is Our Nic, and we must stand by her.

I repeat. She divorced Tom Cruise.

Blogger meggie said...

This is a stinker!
And, I am sorry to say, in spite of my Aussie ancestors, I too detest Our Nic- but you do have a very valid point with the divorce. However I think she was pushed.

Root Brad.

Shoot Keith.

Marry Kenny- & run!

If'n I was a male,

Root Jennifer- thank god it is only once!

Shoot Our Nic.

Marry Renee- with ear plugs.

Anonymous thordora said...

Root Keith (with a bag over his head)
Marry Brad (likes being a daddy, has money, is cute, loves to donate, etc, etc, maybe angie could come too...)
Shoot Brad. I mean ew...

like the new look. :)

Blogger nutmeg said...

Root: Brad - hey I've been dreaming since Thelma and Louise
Marry: Kenny - he don't look that smart but a beach holiday gained through a fraudulent marriage and then divorce sounds good to me (see there's always an out from marriage).
Shoot: Keith - like I said last time, a man that wears more make-up and hair product than his wife has got to go. It also saves "Our Nic" from divorce #2. It could also save her from wearing too much yellow if she has to wear black. There, everyone's happy.

Anonymous CrankMama said...

Bec, thanks for visitin' over in crankland today....

As for today's game.... root brad, shoot kenny, marry keith (for SURE)...


Blogger Blue Moon Girl said...

Ummm, this one's haaaaardddd!!!

Root - Kenny with a sack over has head.
Shoot - Keith Urban because ew.
Shoot - Marry - Brad Pitt because he seems like a pretty okay guy.

On the girl's side...
Root - Nicole Kidman because I have to cut the girl some slack for leaving Tom Cruise. Even if she did marry Keith Urban.
Shoot - Renee Zellweger because she annoys the hell out of me.
Marry - Jennifer Aniston. Her voice bothers me a little, but she seems like a nice person.

BMG has a point: does Nic cancel out her brownie points for divorcing Tom just by marrying Keith...?

Blogger h&b said...

Root: Brad ( he must not talk )

Shoot: Kenny

Marry: Keith ( he looks sweet )

As a man:
Root: None of them would put-out, would they ? Skinny bitches have no libido.

Shoot: Hmm, probably Renee. She's seriously frooty, that girl, although I do like her as Bridget.

Marry: Jenn. I still think she's seriously pretty, and those were awesome wedding photos. She has a great smile.

Blogger h&b said...

Oh, and yeah, not a fan of 'Our Nic' either. the gnat up the nostril is apt ( I rhymed ! )

But yeah, she always stood up to Tom and his seriously creepy ways..

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

I think I really want to marry Brad, but I'm way too insecure to be 4th in line after Gwynnie, Jen and Angelina. Dammit.

Root: Brad (but make it laaaaast)
Shoot: Kenny (one less C&W singer=good)
Marry: Keith (and drive him crazy every day by a. telling him to STOP SINGING and b.asking him "Nicole Kidman?!?! What on earth did you see in her?!?!")

I wish wish wish you'd put Angelina as a choice. In Ms.Pout's absence, I would pick
Root: Jen (she's hot but high maintenance)
Shoot: Nicole Kidman (because I.can't.STAND.her)
Marry: Renee (at least we could go tap-dancing together)

Blogger MsCellania said...

Root Urban
Shoot Chesney
Marry Pitt

Root Jennifer
Shoot Rene
Marry Nic

Because I'm marrying everybody for money these days. It's That Retirement Thing gnawing away at me.

Blogger kt said...

Ok, I have a note from my mom as to why I'm tardy, but you can't see it 'cause the dog ate it.


Root: Brad--it's a reward for him for doing "12 Monkeys" 'cause Terry Gilliam is freaking brilliant and Brad really did do some acting in that one.

Shoot: Keith--he's scary.

Marry: Kenny--I like "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem". And C/W fans are pretty loyal, which means that there could be royalties for years.

Not doing the ladies, liteally or figuratively as there isn't a one who appeals. Maybe next time...

Blogger My float said...

Ah, what a selection.

Root Brad. Because one look at me and Angelina/Jen/Gwyneth would all pale in comparison. And then I'd break his heart and marry someone else. That'd show HIM.
Shoot Renee's husband, whoever the heck he is.
Marry Keith. Because he's rich. And he's much cuter than he was 17 years ago when I met him. And really, I want everything Nicole has. Including a divorce from Tom. He seriously sucks.


Root Renee cause she's quirky.
Shoot Nic because am I the only person in the world who thinks she can't act for shit?
Marry Jennifer. She seems lovely. And Brad would be jealous of her, because I'd have left him and it would serve the bastard right.

h&b - love your take on skinny bitches. Could this partly explain the early demise fo the celebrity marriage?

Stomper - Angelina will get her turn, promise! There's a classic Snarkywood on Angelina that makes her a rich source for pretty much any RSM theme I could imagine...

Mscellania - good luck with the pension plan, and...

KT? Nice to see that someone still has some standards.

See how My Float just slipped right in there 34 seconds before I posted my comment rounding everyone up?

She's sneaky like that. Brad better watch out.

Blogger Suse said...

I'd marry Brad if he wore his Achilles outfit.

Is Brad grabbing Jenn's boob in that picture?

It must be late for me...

Blogger Joke said...

A bit late...sorry...

R - Renee, because frankly I do not see any further purpose to her existence.
S - Jen, to put her out of her romantic misery. After missing out on my "R" and "M" she'd likely do it herself.
M - "Your" Nic. At least she's a nice Catholic girl and we wouldn't have weirdo Scientologist kids.


Welcome Tony!

JOKE!!!! You're back!! Must check the status of your Big Autumn Project.

Suse, tut tut, there you go bending the rules again. But yes. Brad is TOTALLY rootable in Troy and deserves far better than that Cassandra style chick he gets.

Blogger BabelBabe said...

root renee.
shoot nicole.
marry jen.

fuck bitacle.

Blogger Joke said...

When I first saw the word "bitacle" I had assumed it was some sort of non-USA candy. (Say "Bit o' treacle")

I need rest,


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