Friday, November 10, 2006
Root Shoot Marry #13 - Ugly But Interesting
Would you do anything for love?

Have you ever gone like a bat out of hell?

Do you think two out of three ain't bad?

(And would you - O! On a hot summer's night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?)

I bet you say that to all the blogs.

Got it yet?

Meatloaf, ladies and gents, is our first victim in this week's Root Shoot and Marry - or Shag Shoot Marry - or Cliff Shag Marry - and what a fine victim he is.

Did ever a man on the stage manage to be simultaneously so repulsive in figure, so attractive in song?

This week's theme - Ugly But Interesting - is brought to you by the lovely Badger who took the words right out of my mouth last week when she noted that the theme of too much boobage put her in mind of Meatloaf, a man she would totally marry.

Dear god but I love a dare.

Who to join the man who was sacrificed on the altar of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Fortunately, the ranks of Ugly But Interesting Gentlemen around the world are not small.

And look, before you all start moaning that it's too hard and why can't you have some pretty ones for a change let's just pause and consider that:

  1. You get to kill one of them
  2. It's Ugly But Interesting not Rich and Fatuous like a couple of weeks ago.
  3. I've cast the net wide here - I reckon at least one of these guys is going to rock your boat.

Number 2 is Neil Young.

Number 3 Ozzy Osbourne

You notice I've had to go back in time a little to get these three together? I guess it won't shock anyone to discover that, since about 1995, it's been impossible to get a recording contract without rating high on the Prettyometer.

Happy to be proved wrong.


And now the ladies - ah, the ladies.

Now this was hard. Because it's been impossible to get anywhere as a woman unless you knock the top off the Prettyometer since about - oh, I'd say FOREVER.

What? You aren't surprised by that either? Hmm. You guys are smarter than you look.

Even not-classically-attractive women like Nina Simone get whacked with the beauty stick - especially in the kinds of photos you can find freely on Google images.

So. Since there is NO SUCH THING AS AN UGLY WOMAN (and here I nod to the many image issues out there too) I'll focus on Interesting, because there's certainly no shortage of that:

(and, after my hubris over photos, I suddenly hit my upload limit for the month on Flickr so while I'm considering whether to upgrade to Flickr Pro, you'll have to deal with the links for these women)

1. Michelle Shocked
She can sing, she can write, she has guts, AND she has her own font. It's true. Check out her website.

2. Whitney Houston
Ok, so not classically interesting, as in, having anything to contribute to the world or anything important to say about anything at all... However, I would take any excuse to share this link to Snarkywood's "Mad As Batshit Whitney" snark. Enjoy.

3. The Dixie Chicks - all three of them.
A long long time ago a friend of mine returned to Sydney after backpacking through Europe where - as happens - she met lots of Americans and Canadians. She brought back a fervent love of this new band called the Dixie Chicks. I thought it sounded a bit country.
But now? I could kiss them. Oh yeah. Take that bit of girl-on-girl foursome action, Google!

Root Shoot Marry Rules are on the nav bar at the top of this page. You are free - nay, encouraged - to tackle both genders.



Anonymous thordora said...

Root Neil. IF I could bathe him first. Shoot Meatloaf. I'll never get the image of sweat on his manboobs in Fight Club. Marry Ozzy. He's so drug addled he'd be pliable.

My husband said he'd shoot Whitney, and there's no way he'd have three wives-one's annoying enough.

heh. I will be kicking him later for that comment.

Blogger Badger said...


Marry Meat OF COURSE.
Root Neil. Because I really need to SHOOT OZZY.

Even though I love all three of them, for reals.

I am totally posting both Neil and Ozzy lyrics sometime real soon now, too.

Blogger Suse said...



Just can't do this week without puking.

Ok, root Ozzy, shoot the Meat, marry Neil.


Blogger Blue Moon Girl said...

Root - Neal Young. Eyes closed, quick now.
Shoot - Ozzy Osbourne (although Mr. B says he cannot be killed because he is undead.) Just because.
Marry - Meatloaf. No reason.

And Mr. B. says -
Root - The Dixie Chicks because hello! three women at once! Who could pass that up?
Shoot - Whitney Houston. Rid the world of her crazy.
Marry - Michelle Shocked even though he's not exactly sure who that is.

Blogger Carolyn said...

I usually prefer men, but even my standards can't sink low enough for those three. I'd have to shoot them all.

I'll root the Dixie Chicks.

I'll shoot Whitney. Someone needs to put her and all of us out of our collective misery.

I'll marry what's her name again? Oh yeah, Michelle Shocked. She's cute enough to merit a few extra rootings.

Blogger shellyC said...

Yep I am going with Carolyn too!! I really cannot stomach any of the men this week so I am going for the girls!! Actually I had thought about this before seeing Carolyn's choices - mine are the same.

Root - the Dixie Chicks yep all three of them. May as well make it a real party!!

Shoot - Whitney. Anyone dumb enough to put up with Booby Brown and all the ather stuff needs to be shot!!

Marry - Michelle Shocked. Wouldn't that look cute on the invitations -Michelle and Michelle are getting married!!

Blogger kt said...

Well, I'm not late this week, but perhaps I should've been....

Let's get those (alleged) boy-o's out of the way...

Root: Neil--he'll write an odd, minor chord-filled song about our tryst...

Shoot: Ozzy--no explanation needed.

Marry: Meatloaf--yeah, Rocky Horror Picture Show--I used to do Janet in college, and the man's voice is quite something.

And what the hell, it's the weekend, I'll take on the ladies as well!!

Root: The Dixie Chicks--they're musical and they hate Bush as much as I do and they ain't a-skeered to say so!

Shoot: Whitney. Never to hear her yodel a song again--bliss.

Marry: Michelle Shocked. She had me at "Captain Swing", and she's clever with the lyrics and such. And hell, she's cute, too!

(BTW, I commiserate on the Flickr front--they cut me off, too!)

Blogger MsCellania said...

Root: Meatloaf and ask him to sing the entire time with a bag over his head.
Shoot: Neil Young just to Shut Him The Fuck Up
Marry: Ozzy and make him buy me my own house. In a different county. That he couldn't visit.

Blogger Lazy cow said...

It's never easy.
Root: Meatloaf
Shoot: Ozzy. I honestly thought that was a woman sitting on the loo.
Marry: Neil. Just as long as he didn't sing.

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

Whoa, this one is H-A-R-D!!
Root: Meatloaf only because he was kinda cute in the Spice Girls Movie.
Shoot : Ozzy Osbourne. Got nothing against him (except maybe that toilet photo) but I've got to eradicate one of them.
Marry: Neil, try and cheer the old bastard up.

Blogger Stomper Girl said...

PS. I think Lazy Cow and I are channelling each other - spooky.
Just came back to say Michelle Shocked rocks! And the Dixie Chicks and Nina Simone are also excellent women. But Whitney Houston is a crime against humanity.

Blogger meggie said...

Now that I have cleared my throat...
Root; Ozzie ( I cant believe I said that, but I will never have to see him again)

Shoot; Neil Young. Still that bloody FLAT nasal whine forever.

Marry; the flabby Meatloaf. They say keep company with uglies to make yourself look good!! haha.

Blogger Jane Henry said...

Root Neil because he's the best of a bad bunch.

Shoot Ozzy - someone has already pointed out he belongs to the undead already, but anyway, Sharon would never let anyone else have him!

Marry Meatloaf because I have been in love with his voice (if not his person) forever. And I felt rather sorry for him when he caught it in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I suppose I could always wear dark glasses... permanently.


Anonymous shula said...

Easy peasey:

Root: meatloaf. I loved him in Rocky Horror

Shoot: Ozzy. Can't tell how much I loathe a whining man.

Marry: Neil. I think he's a genius. Everybody thinks he's depressive, but he's not. I saw him on a local TV station in Texas one lonely and he was an absolute RIOT.

I cannot BELIEVE suse would choose Ozzy to root.

Blogger Joke said...

This, for me, has been the EASIEST episode of RSM ever.

R - The Dixie Chicks, as they are ideally suited for such a purpose and, incidentally, not much else.

S - EASY. Michelle Shocked. In fact, I'd derive no small delight from doing the extent I'd lovingly consider the various firearm choices and their likely impact.

M - Whitney Houston, as she is clearly both insanely tolerant and affluent enough. The fact I don't do drugs will leave more for her and she'll be even happier with me, leaving me in peace to disport with the moderately attractive but immoderately brainless Dixie Chicks.

And here I thought this one would prove difficult.


Blogger velcro said...

ok. shoot Meatloaf ..ugh
shag Neil
definately marry Ozzy, loaads of money!

the girls are a bit harder. it's a toss up who to shoot, that Michelle bird or Whitney. and i really don't fancy marrying the Dixie Chicks.
argh it's too hard this week.

Blogger nutmeg said...

Marry - Ozzy. Always wanted my own reality TV show. What great TV (not) to watch the Osbournes go through divorce and then Ozzy marry me and then everyone can watch me drink and eat too much, blow up to the size of a whale, take some diet pills with my alcohol and then nearly die when I crash my quad bike! (And no I didn't watch the show - the ads were enough to glean this info from)

Oh dear, now I'm stuck.

Root - Meatloaf - he'd have to sing so I could concentrate on something else.

Shoot - Neil - we could use one less depressive in the world. (For some reason I just can't shoot Meatloaf)

Blogger Muzbot said...

I'll take a punt a swing both ways today:
I'd love to have a beer and hang out at the pub with Meatloaf and Michelle Shocked, so I guess that makes them marrying material in my books.
The Dixie Chicks and Ozzy should join together and from a super group so I would only need to go to the one gig to shoot them all.
So, to the remains: Neil Young and Whitney... The beauty of a one night stand is that it's just that. Let's just say neither of them would be staying for breakfast either.

Blogger BabelBabe said...

root neil as he's the only one i could even think of sleeping with.
shoot ozzy.
marry meatloaf.

root whitney - drunk and eyes closed, and it's over. ew.
shoot michelle shocked. just her fucking name, let alone everything else - god, could she be any more pretentious?
marry dixie chicks. yes, all three. they're hot, they're smart (smart enough to hate george bush), they're rich, and you get to have sex with them under you know, matrimonial custom.

Blogger telfair said...

Sheesh. These are getting much harder. Yet I cannot resist the pondering.

Root: Neil. I don't know why.
Shoot: Ozzy. I couldn't ever kiss lips that had covered teeth that nipped the head off a dove.
Marry: Process of elimination, Meatloaf. WHY GOD WHY?!?

You are all SO brave.

I really thought Ozzy would just die a dozen or so deaths here, which he has.

And yet. As Telfair says. a number of you have chosen to root or marry the dove biter who drinks while sitting on the toilet.

AND you're all risking the wrath of Sharon, even if you shoot him.

Outstanding valour.

Anonymous Tuxedo said...

Look the big fat guy he look hilarious.

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