I had thought I would finish up on the 12 month mark for the Ladies Lounge but I trust my feelings and it is time to go.
It’s been wonderful playing around here in the blogosphere and I can’t be sure I won’t return in some way in the future, but I’m calling a halt for now.
There are a number of reasons.
The most tedious, although certainly not the most important, is a benign stalker. Not a commenter, I hasten to add, just a sad little man with a distorted view of the world and his place in it. He has my pity rather than my ire and although I have become very good at ignoring him, I will be very happy to think he no longer has access to the happies, the sads and the downright mundanes of my ordinary little life.
No, the most important reason is the most obvious one.
It's not that I'm going on a Tibetan trek to find my spirit animal.
It's not that I've developed chronic arthritis in my right thumb andcannolongerusethespacebar. Although: creative punctuation? Definitely a side-effect of blogging.
It's not quite that I'm suffering performance anxiety from hanging around so many incredibly talented people like your many and varied good selves.
And it's not that I have to concentrate on my three-book deal while supervising the screenplay of my as-yet-unpublished - oops, unwritten - brilliant first novel.
So. Here's the thing.
Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how few women who blog are also mothers of three in full-time paid employment in high stress jobs?
I’ve never bought into writing about that side of my life (apart from whinging, which we all agree doesn’t count) but those things do make a difference.
It also is important to me to be around for a full and happy (or only partly grouchy) life with my lovely husband, who has stood by me through more storms than you could know. Apparently this is not always obvious when I have a laptop sitting where god intended it while watching tv with him. If marriage is give and take, one of the things I give is this.
And it's not in my nature to be half-hearted about things that I do. But sadly, a lot of the time, I can only afford to spend half-a-heart here for all the above reasons.
When it comes down to taws, the thing I have loved most about blogging has been the discipline of writing several times a week. And my biggest frustration has been finding that there are days when my head is so full of the work and the kids and the family and the relationship and the money and the work and the car and the work and the cooking and the cleaning and the wherethefuckdidIgo and the neverending work that I couldn't write worth a damn without death and destruction raining in my wake.
And while there is an attraction in reading the thoughtfulness of so many of you who actually.have.time.for.thought.dammit, there is sometimes jealousy, too, and occasionally even [hate to admit this] a side-order of bitter that I had not been so smart as to structure my life that way too.
That ain't healthy.
I’ll keep the Ladies Lounge email open for a while and if you'd like to know if I'm going to start up again, send me an email (I can't always track back to your emails through comments alone) and I'll tell you if it happens.
No m.ore t.o c.ome.
Not just yet, anyway.